Fun With Freewriting – Week 3: Alone now …

Time for another prompted free-write, a 30 minute activity writing whatever flows from a given sentence or idea.

Here’s my favourite from last week. It’s a day later than usual due to yesterdays Write…Edit…Publish post, but we’ll be back to the usual Wednesday slot next week.

Please bear in mind that it’s very rough and ready, and hasn’t been through much editing other than spell checking! I hope you enjoy …

I’d been crying for so long now I could hardly see anything in front of me properly. Everything around me just seemed to ebb and flow like the currents of the ocean, the walls themselves seeming to be covered with my watery tears. The sobbing had subsided at least, the hideous noises that could take the breath right out of me and now all that remained were the free-flowing tears.

I wish I could say I’d been crying for so long that I couldn’t remember the reasons for it, but his face and his memory fill my thoughts. Lying alone in our bed when I’m trying my best to go to sleep, if I squeeze my eyes shut tight enough I’m sure that I can still feel his presence next to me. His warmth drifts towards me even under the sheets, and I can feel his weight in the space next to me, pulling the covers his way.

At these times when I concentrate the most, when he feels to be the most real, it takes all of my effort not to reach out my hand to try and touch him, to feel that he’s there once again beneath my fingertips and to know the whole thing had been just a terrible and frightening nightmare. But I can’t move, no matter how much I want it, because I know deep down that if I do it’ll just shatter the illusion. The harsh reality of what has happened will come crashing down around me once again, and my heart will break just that little bit more. I really thought it had taken all that it could handle, had suffered enough in the first few hours and days, but I know differently now. Each and every day it seems to crack just that little but more and by now I imagine it to be in a million pieces. And at this moment in time I cannot see a single thing in my future that could even begin to start putting it all back together again.

How could there possibly be anything to look forward to without him here to share in it with me? Whenever I looked towards anything happening in my life he was always right there beside me to help guide me when I needed it, or to hold my hand as I strode forwards in confidence.

Now all I can see before me is a blackness of unknown, filled with uncertainties. I don’t even know what to expect in the next few days, never mind the next few years. Whatever it is though, I’m doing it alone now, left behind on this Earth without him …

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